Dear Table 41,

I can see that you’re having a great time, no doubt you’ll probably break out the marshmallows and graham crackers and start making s’mores, but if you wouldn’t mind getting the hell out before you pitch a tent in my section. Ok, I understand that you all came out together and want to have a good time, stay a while, and chat. The thing is, though, is that you have occupied half of my section for the while night. Be my guest and stay all night if you arrive together and order (appetizers, drinks, dessert, coffee etc.) throughout your stay. When you’re finished ordering and enjoying your food, drinks, and coffee. It’s time to go. If you still want to socialize, go to a coffee bar, since God knows you people don’t drink, a real bar is out of the question (I already know my alcohol sales are fucked tonight). The problem with your table was that two people arrived at 5, a half an hour passed, two more people arrived, another half an hour passed. You’ve ordered nothing but water so far. Ok another two people arrive and 45 minutes pass, and finally you order. Now don’t get me wrong, you were an ok table in the sense that you were polite and not too demanding. My problem is that you set up camp in half of my section from five o’clock ‘til nine thirty, and hadn’t ordered a thing for over two hours! And you ended up being my last table of the night! That’s two hours I could have been home, I could’ve had dinner since I haven’t eaten since lunch, I could’ve been drunk by now! But I had to stay because I have to close my section. Two hours. Waiting. For you.


Your Server