July 2011
3 posts
8 tags
Sketti
I worked in an Italian-American chain restaurant for a few years. It’s not like we didn’t see our share of illiterate folk, but one dude, he takes the cake.
“And what can I get for you tonight sir?”
“Well, I dunno, I think I’ll take the sketti.”
“Spaghetti bolognese?”
“Just put the sketti with the sketti sauce.”
“Tomato...
6 tags
Water With Lemon
“Can I start you folks off with a cocktail, or a glass of one of our feature wines?” I ask.
“Hmmm, what do you suggest?” says Guest 1.
“Well, we have a fantastic ginger mojito with fresh mint, lime, and a splash of ginger beer, and we have a new Pinot Noir that pairs really well with a variety of our dishes…”
“I will, just have a water”...
8 tags
Campers
Dear Table 41,
I can see that you’re having a great time, no doubt you’ll probably break out the marshmallows and graham crackers and start making s’mores, but if you wouldn’t mind getting the hell out before you pitch a tent in my section. Ok, I understand that you all came out together and want to have a good time, stay a while, and chat. The thing is, though, is that...
6 tags
If You're Going To Steal, Please Don't Be So...
Dear Table 55,
What the fuck was your fucking problem? Sure, you had that trailer park glow, but everything seemed fine until I dropped off your food and offered you freshly ground pepper. You looked at the pepper mill like it was a fucking unicorn. “Wow!” You said. “Where do you get one-a those?”
Uh, I don’t know, pretty much any place that sells stuff.
Then you took my pepper mill. And...
June 2011
2 posts
6 tags
as·i·nine
as·i·nine
–adjective 1. foolish, unintelligent, or silly; stupid: It is surprising that supposedly intelligent people can make such asinine statements. ..
So today at work my fellow servers and I discussed how asinine it is of guests to say “I’ll make it easy on you and just order the unlimited (insert food item here)”. Now I shouldn’t have to point this out BUT I will,...